casket.jpg_jpeg_image_400x313_pixels

Cardinals Season Dead: Eulogy for 2010

Friends:

The Big Guy works in mysterious ways. We certainly didn’t want to gather here today under these circumstances; times like these are never easy for anyone- especially when our loved ones are taken from us so unexpectedly.

2010 began it’s life as a good season. 2010 filled us with hope.

After all, a full year of Matt Holliday, a blazing fast start from super-rookie Jamie Garcia and the addition of flame throwing Brad Penny with his smoking hot girlfriend all had us pretty stoked about 2010. And at first, 2010 didn’t disappoint. Hell, if anything, 2010 was turning out to be easier than anticipated. The Cubs were abysmal from the gate, the Brewers never really got it going and the Reds? Meh, the Reds were too young. They weren’t ready for the grind.

April and May were good months for 2010. Even after a wild 20 inning affair with the skank pies from Flushing Meadows, it vacillated between 3-5 games up in the NL Central and the games over .500 kept creeping up in increments of 5, just like Mr. Tony LaRussa liked. 30-22 heading into June was just where 2010 wanted to be.

June came, July went and the Cardinals ended the month 12 games over even and maintaining a slight lead over the Reds… but a funny feeling started to creep into 2010. Sure, Carpenter and Wainwright were both bonafide Cy Young candidates. Jamie Garcia was gunning for a ROY award and Pujols had rounded into Triple Crown mode. But like those creepy videos where dogs can sniff out cancer in humans, the fans were wondering if 2010 secretly had some problems that they didn’t know about. Why did 2010 not feel right?

Oh, if they only knew.

If July was a hiccup for 2010, then August was a full on heave where the esophagus ceases to work. Then you get AIDS. August 3rd, David Freese was shut down for the season after dropping a weight on his foot during rehab on his foot. On August 4th Jason Motte was put on the DL. On August 9th, the Cardinals were called ‘little bitches’ by Brandon Phillips. On August 10th, Jason LaRue was knocked out of 2010 with a cleat to the dome. On August 12th TLR was suspended for 2 games. On August 15th, Kyle Lohse was hammered by the Cubs who were on a 3 for 18 game winning streak.

And just when we thought that things couldn’t get worse for our dear, dear buddy… 2010 went on the ROAD TRIP FROM HELLLLLL….

We knew that 2010 was hanging on for dear life and even wrote about this 10 game stretch where the Cardinals would play the NL’s 3 worst teams in succession. Lose 2 out of 3 to the Pirates. Lose 3 of 4 to the Nats. Lose either 2 or 3 of 3 to Houston?

No 2010. You didn’t. WHYYYYYY, 2010? WHYYYYYY!

We didn’t see it coming. Seemed like just yesterday we had visions of revenge for the nut catch heard round Cardinal Nation. We were making plans for October and pointing to Labor Day Weekend as the coronation of 2010 into the annals of St. Louis baseball lore.

Now, 2010, I’m sad to say has died. Official cause of death? Lack of heart. And balls.

Sure, some will be in denial. But rest assured, 2010 is dead as dead can be. It’s over. All we have left to do is wait around for the death certificate to be certified on October 3rd around 4:15 CST or so. I plead with all of you not to move into denial and tell us that their is still hope for 2010, that it can make a comeback.

It hurts my heart to hear that from you. Because you know 2010 is dead.

Farewell 2010. We won’t miss you, really. Not at all. You made us feel things we don’t like. Please feel free to take most of this roster with you.

athooks

About athooks

For more, follow on Twitter. Just click the link below.

Quantcast