Every Girl Loves Walmart Jewelry: The Tenth Day of Cardinal Crapmas

It looks like today is “Celebrate Rex Ryan’s Wife” day on the internet, so we’ll chip in too.

What do you get the female Cardinal fan who has everything, but could use an expensive piece of jewelry that almost no one will notice, other than studs like Rex Ryan? Walmart has the answer:

Yup, a Cardinals Solid 10K Gold Toe Ring. My sources tell me that people still go to Wal-Mart to shop, not just take pictures of fat customers. Interesting.

I’ve never been one to notice women’s feet right away (until the last second before I’m kicked in the balls), so I don’t get the whole foot fetish thing. But if toes and toe rings float your boat, what better way to buy something expensive for your special lady and be a big creep at the same time? Win-win.

At first I really didn’t have any way to wrap up this post, but I glanced down and saw that Walmart provides one of those “Here’s What People Actually Bought Because They Thought This Sucked” list:

I love thinking of the scenario where a husband is looking for Cardinal jewery for his wife, sees the $100 price tag and says to himself, “Fuck it, I’m buying some floor mats.”