Horse Killing Cures Recession

Let’s take a trip around the news:

Obama speaks in St. Louis. Then he ogles Tim McKernan’s girlfriend. Could we have Obama Willy in office? Why do politicians have such a hard time keeping their wangs tucked away? And what the fuck are these people that are so opposed to health care reform bitch about? Really, we’re good with the way things are now?

Pujols and Holliday are hurt.  Tremendous. Looks like the Cardinals are in mid-season form with their medical press releases: Pujols will be good Tuesday. No Wednesday. Wait, maybe this weekend. Ok, ok he’ll be good for the regular season. And on it goes. Holliday, ironically, hurt his stomach. The same one that got fat with 120 million dollars in the off-season. Hmmm.

Panera Bread is posting calories now. Here’s a hint, if you thought that going to the Bread Company was good for you… you’re an idiot. You’re not losing weight, YOU’RE GETTING FAT! Let’s all agree that unless something tastes like shit, literally shit, it’s not good for you. Damn you food.

The recession hasn’t gotten better… START KILLING HORSES. If we lived in NYC that would be the headline. We don’t, so we get a tepid “Slaughter of Horses Could Resume in MO.” Either way, horse is sooooo tasty, it’s got to be bad for you.

Ahhhh: We’re the new DETROIT?! Good God- LOOK AT THOSE LOSSES! Who is responsible for this mess? What are we going to do about it? Are the horse killers going after our jobs!

(At lease we’re not… You know who.)

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