How Does Dan Caesar Do It? An MS Paint Story.

danEvery Friday, stltoday.com unleashes a new critically-acclaimed “Media Views” column on the universe. The ringleader in this circus (whatever that means) is Mr. Dan Caesar. He is the most important columnist for the most important subject in our lives right now: St. Louis sports media.

A question you might be wondering is, “Why all the fuss over a weekly column about the guys who talk about sports – not the ones who play them?” That is an outstanding point, to which no one has a good reply for.

But somehow Dan Caesar gets conservatively 75 billion clicks per article. The town is always abuzz for a good two or three days after his column is published. It sparks tons of conversations among 25-50 year old men, and 80 year olds who want the Cardinals back on KMOX. It doesn’t exploit St. Louis’ small-town nature at all.

Normal, rational people might point out that sports TV ratings are down, along with sports radio ratings (not to mention “quality”), so if Dan Caesar stopped writing about the media, only a handful of people would notice. But where the hell would we get analysis on local Super Bowl and Kentucky Derby TV ratings? Or where would we turn for a Brian McKenna “Hey, you just got fired, how do you feel?” quote?

So what all goes into a Dan Caesar column? How does he make the magic happen? Let me explain to you via my favorite way of story-telling: MS Paint…

First – you’ve got to get the blood flowing, so go kill a bear at the Zoo.

Next, stalk Tim McKernan. Don’t call him. Don’t email him. Just follow him around town and get the first hand scoop of what he’s thinking.


Now that you have your story, get to typing! That shit is due in two days, hurry! They usually write themselves, but throw in some additional drama for a few extra site clicks. Oh, and ratings, we love discussing radio stats with our friends.


The column is done and people are eating it up. Fistfights are happening all around town, so job well done. More importantly, it’s Friday morning, and after a hard week of reporting, you get a little while to relax. Ahhhhh.



The next Monday, it all starts again. Run and hide, bears – the pythons are on the loose.