Jesus Cardinal Fans; Are We All Insane?

Every year, at least for the past 5 or 6, I’ve been to opening day. I wouldn’t miss it. And a couple years back I’m pretty sure I gave strep throat to 75 people by showing up.

I have a blog. A blog that is 70% about the St. Louis Cardinals. (10% bacon, 20% other).

In short- I don’t think that anyone can sit here and say with a straight face that I’m not involved with this team. Because even in January, I’m still tapping away at this keyboard.

But if you’ve ever gone to the Cardinals Winter Warm-Up, you’re going to get to see some very mentally ill people.

It’s scary.

In that video you just saw:

1) People were wildly cheering a guy who’s only meaningful action in the past decade for the team was admitting he cheated. Those reactions are more appropriate for, I don’t know, Taylor Lautner ripping open his shirt and butt pounding Tino Martinez to teach him a lesson? Getting a VISA to leave Haiti? Not admitting what everyone already knew.

2) Dude- you’re really still holding on this whole Roger Maris thing? Get laid, brother. Get. Fucking. Laid. My e-mail is above and if you want, I’ll Pay Pal you 10 bucks to use towards a seedy handy at least.

3) News coverage. This is a glorified shakedown in the name of charity. While you were doing that live hit, 3 people were executed in Kiener Plaza.  If we had any pretense about what drives media coverage in this town- the Winter Warm-Up clears that right up. It’s baseball.

Why does this blog have a Cardinal theme? Why don’t I do any work on the Rams or Blues, which I both like? Because baseball fucking sells in this city. It drives the cart. People say they care about other things like murder, taxes or education… but they don’t. Unless it’s a sales tax on Albert Pujols murdering a home run to educate the Cubs on just how bad they still suck. Then they care.

4) It’s Monday right now and people are celebrating Martin Luther King Jr’s legacy by getting David Freese’s autograph for 10 bucks in a downtown hotel. He had a dream, alright.

I don’t think this was it.

5) I’m beginning to think that most Cardinal fans are just bat-shit insane. Why this event is more than a blip on our radars is beyond me. I’ve been and it was truly and awful time.

But you know what? Part of me started reading all these tweets and posts from around the web and I was sort-of, kind-of wanting to be down there with those idiots.

Maybe the rest of you already knew that Cardinal ‘Nation’ was an uncommitted mental colony. But I’m just warming up to the fact.

athooks

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