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Kiss Cam: Totally Ghey

Ed Note: So this hell hole keeps getting bigger. We’ve hired another dude to write words since we’re looking to get more content up on a regular basis. So that brings the stable of writers to 6. We’ve got The Mad Librarian, Trumbsy, HWM, athooks, Fresh WC and now….

The Business.

He comes with glowing reccomendations, but there is no need to splay those out for you here. Just read. Get to know him and all the authors we’re now housing at this site. And enjoy. (Site note- a new ‘staff page’ with bios and e-mail and what not is in the works so you can keep all of us straight.)

If, like me, you’ve been too busy with your job, day-to-day life, and wrestling school to keep up with the Internets, you might have missed this story in the Post Disgrace detailing the kerfuffle surrounding Kiss Cam:

As the popular “Kiss Cam” roams Busch Stadium Saturday afternoon looking for couples to feature, among the crowd will be a group of at least 200 gays and lesbians — some hoping to be featured smooching their partner.

(snip)

The request to feature same-sex couples on the Kiss Cam at Busch Stadium grew out of an incident that occurred Sunday at the Edward Jones Dome, where the Rams hosted the Arizona Cardinals. During the Kiss Cam feature, two men dressed in Arizona jerseys were among the couples shown. The crowd laughed and booed when the two men tried to shoo away the cameras.

First of all, the Rams might want to think about adding some gheys to their roster, as heteros clearly haven’t been getting it done.

Second, there are obvious logistical problems with making a concerted effort to ghey up the Kiss Cam. I mean, what are the odds that two smokin’ broads are going to make out while wearing Albert Pujols jerseys outside of my REM cycle? And how do you tell if two guys or girls are “together” if they’re not at a Melissa Etheridge concert?

But this isn’t even the real issue. The real issue is: Kiss Cam sucks. Either it’s a couple of old people who shouldn’t be allowed to even think about screwing or it’s a tepid first date where the girl clearly just went for the ticket or it’s, you know, fat people. Gross.

The Kiss Cam has yet to violate my privacy, but I’ve come up with a list of things to do should circumstances allow:
  1. Burn a qur’an. Or a bible. Or Three Nights in August.
  2. Slap the nearest child.
  3. Do the DX Crotch Chop. (There’s never a wrong time to do this, actually.)
  4. Scope out the hottest chick I can find and tell her, “Look, we have no choice … we’re on Kiss Cam.”
  5. Take off my Cardinals t-shirt to reveal the Jay Bruce jersey underneath. Heel turn, muthafucka!

athooks

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