survivorcardinals

Let’s ‘Survivor’ The Rest Of The Cardinals

Death, delayed.

In what must be the single longest funeral procession in the history of the Cardinals, the eminent death of 2010 is taking her time closing the coffin.

The Cardinals took it in the anus from the worst team in MLB last night 5 to 2 and played with the inspiration of Christopher Hitchens on a Lortab.

Worse, all the awards that you nut bags still watching this pooh filled diaper of a team , well those dreams were all but slammed shut when Roy Halladay twirled another gem for his twentieth win, (later Cy Young) Pujols hit the wall with 39 HR’s (Votto is a lock at this point) and Garcia’s pending shut-down (looking more irrelevant in the ROY voting than at any point in the year).

Oy.

Now for hard-line cynics, we did get some validation on our theorem that the 2010 Cardinals ‘quit’  when the club outright released Flip Lopez for… wait for it… quitting on his team. More specifically, not bothering to show up for games when he was supposed to.

But NOOOOOOOOO….

These guys were busting their humps all season long. They’re STILL busting their humps according to the front office.

Right.

And I’m fucking the queen of England.

Blow this team up. In fact, I’m in favor of a Survivor-style set-up where one guy gets sent home per loss. Even set up the press-conference room like the Tribal Council area, have TLR as Jeff Probst extinguishing flaming jock straps on sticks as a symbolic gesture of that players neutering.

US Cellular could even set up a fans choice text poll: I’m sorry Brendan Ryan, the fans have spoken, bring me your torch.

It won’t change anything, but it’ll damn will make me feel better.

athooks

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