There’s plenty to bitch about these days, so let’s get to it, shall we?
Colby Rasmus – Listen up, kid. YOU SHUT YOUR STUPID FACE! All of this extra drama surrounding TLR and #28 is getting a tad bit annoying. Do you realize, you little whippersnapper, that this could all have been avoided if you had just kept your damn mouth shut and not behaved like a floppy haired Fall Out Boy fan who got his poor little feelings hurt? Now Albert is all kerfuffled and NO ONE WANTS THAT!!! I mean, I think we all know that Colby’s sensitive and has some daddy issues that he’s dealing with, but the guy is one critically arched eyebrow away from openly weeping in the dugout. GROW UP, COLBY! Siiiiigh. Kids these days!
Tony LaRussa – As for you, sir, would you kindly remove the redwood that’s lodged in your rectum and just act like a normal human being that has emotions and feelings and stuff? Good lord. I understand you’re a real legend around town and the most INTENSE MANAGER EVER, but give me a flippin’ break. This god complex is just irritating. Do you really want to run every single player that you have a spat with out of town? That is not good business practice, sir! They should have taught you that in law school. I mean, I understand that it isn’t your job to be Colby’s personal cheerleader, but would it kill you to take it down a notch and maybe just massage the kid’s ego a little bit? He’s got to develop some confidence sooner or later and then you can go back to being a stone-faced badass with no soul.
Public Restrooms – Seriously, what do women DO in public restrooms? Attending sporting events is made ten times more complicated when you have to juggle beer drinking with the possibility of using the bathroom. It’s always a game of Russian roulette, as you either walk into a stall that’s perfectly adequate or one that looks like it’s been sprayed down with a garden hose. At that point, you only have a handful of options, all of which require Olympic level gymnastics and a hand sanitizer bath. So in the end, you do the best you can and just hope to walk out of the bathroom without contracting toilet AIDS. It’s a truly horrifying experience.
Brandon Phillips being RIGHT – Man, this guy is just not very popular in St. Louis! It’s sad that the best part of watching the Cardinals this past weekend was the elongated booing that corresponded with each of Phillips’ at bats. However, this would have been a whole lot more satisfying if the Redbirds hadn’t spent the past month pretty well validating everything he’s said about them. You know what, Mr. Phillips? While I might not agree with your word choice, (this is a family blog, right?), your allegations just might be true. And that really, really sucks. (Turns on “Everybody Hurts” and cries into a gallon of Ben & Jerry.) WHY, GOD, WHHHHYYYYY???
Reply All Emails – As do most people in corporate America, I get waaaay too many emails in any given work week. Half of it is useful and half of it is spam and Evites. You know what are the worst? Reply all emails. Anytime someone sends out a mass email you inevitably get a handful of people who find it necessary to share their feedback with the entire group. “That video of dogs on a treadmill was SOOOO FUNNY!” says some dumb idiot I’ve never met in response to a friend that I wish I didn’t have. That was such insightful commentary! Thank goodness I wasn’t left out of this email chain that is in NO WAY cluttering up my inbox! Stupid reply all emails.