The MS Paint Cardinals Week in Review

I’ve been holding off writing “seriously” about the Cardinals for a few weeks, so why not recycle more ideas (I was way gooder at this bloggin’ stuff a couple years ago).

The masses have been begging me to revive the award-winning MS Paint Week in Review. And after hand-crafting these four masterpieces, I once again realized why I quit doing it after one week: I take way too long to put a crappy Paint drawing together.

But hey, enjoy it while it lasts…

On opening day in Cincy, Bert destroyed the entire city, once again with the help of the lasers that come out of his fists. At least that’s how I remembered it.

In other arson news, Jason Motte decided to light the mound on fire in two separate appearances, including a walk-off bomb to Jonny fucking Gomes. (Kyle McClellan did too up in Milwaukee, but this column has a pro-Hazelwood bias. Plus McClellan’s profile pic doesn’t look like this…)


Monday was the home opener in downtown St. Louis. The one, and thank-God-only, Cardinal Cowboy ruined a bunch of tailgater’s days by landing in a helicopter. There were no survivors.


And we wrap it up in Hooks’ living room on Tuesday night. I said it once, and I’ll say it a million more times – when Glee comes on in the Hooks household – Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. The. Way.


What the hell – you’ve got nothing else to do today. Here are my other MS Paint works of art. If you’d like a framed portrait, or a Fat Head of any of these, please contact the sales dept.