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Thou Shalt Not Pitch To Pujols

The first rule of MLB Club?

Don’t talk about MLB Club. The second rule?

Don’t pitch to Jose Alberto Pujols. Never. Ever. Not once. Just don’t do it. You’re going to lose. Why the fuck are you pitching to Pujols. WHY?

(Watch #5 jerk 2 HR’s out of Great American Ballpark LINK HERE)

Now as a fan of the St. Louis Cardinals, feel free to disobey this rule. But after 6 months of doing whatever he does in the off-season (Sudoku? midget wrasslin’? porn?), Dusty Baker and his coaching staff gave Cincinnati a nice welcome back present… a steaming pile of idiocracy.

And you’d think that a monster dong to left center might shake Mr. Baker’s core belief that his over-hyped pitching staff was actually better than Albert.

But it didn’t.

And Albert got a head start on the Triple Crown talk. Usually we’ve got to wait for May 1st to start that.

It’s amusing to me that Pujols, now several seasons into his career, still gets tested. Even in his first at bat of the year. I asked earlier- but why? Why try it? What are you trying to prove. The guy is not human. He’s going to take you down. Pardon the wild hyperbole, but would you be surprised if the Reds started off 0-6 and lost the season before it even got started? I wouldn’t.

Eventually (most likely in Milwaukee) the manager of the team in the other dugout will let Holliday, Ludwick and Rasmus do the heavy lifting. But as long as we’ve got Dusty in the division and a bandbox in Ohio- Albert’s power numbers will wain nary.

Other Notes:

+ Colby Rasmus: Off to a great 1 game start. If he continues his trajectory into a borderline All-Star in 2010, this Cardinals team is scary good. I mean scary.

+ Skip Shumaker: Not a good spring. A terrible opener. He’s pressing. And making outs. The one thing you CAN’T do in the 1 hole is make outs. Anything but outs has to be the attitude. 11 runs while the table setter wears the collar? Welcome back Big Mac!

+ How awesome was it in AP’s AB after hitting his second home run, when he hit a foul ball and a lady wearing a Pujols jersey caught it behind home plate and got lustily booed. Trust me Reds fans- it’s fun having Albert Pujols on your team.

+ Chris Carpenter: Not spectacular. Not bad. If the Cards get wins with average starts, then 100 for the season should be the goal.

+ Jason Motte & Ryan Franklin: Let’s try not to freak out after one game. But AHHHHHHHH! Both guys were very, very shaky to put it nicely.

+ Yadier Molina: Guy comes back from a 2 week layoff and catches a long game and hits his first grand slam as a pro. Not bad for a Monday, eh?

+ Tony LaRussa: Putting Rasmus in the 5 hole and getting a huge game from the 2nd year pro is why he manages the Cardinals and we sit in the stands and bitch. I hated the line-up card and had a ‘Is Ludwick the most disrespected former All-Star ever?’ story in my head ready to work out. Then we get that game. LaRussa.

Check above for the winner of the 2nd Annual BS Detector NCAA Bracket Challenge…

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