Later this afternoon, America will sashe and flaunt it’s semi-effeminate opening ceremony outfits in front of a bunch of very polite Canadians. Then a nondescript white famous person will light a cauldron of fire in a more difficult than necessary manner.
It’s the Winter Olympics. Johnny Weir has re-entered you life. Like it or not.
It’s easy to bag on the winter games as a every four year PRIDE rally, but look deeper and I think you will find some compelling athletic competition:
+ Skeleton – Going head first down the bobsled chute on a dinky sled may not take much more than a set of brass balls, but somehow they’ve made this into a legit sport. These crazy sons of bitches are going up to 100 mph in a sort of weird pseudo-superman fantasy come to life. It’s like watching the Coors Light party train come to life.
+ Biathlon – You know what makes cross-country skiing more interesting? Guns. That’s what.
+ Ice Hockey – If the NHL decided to just cease operation and re-form in America using just nationalities as teams all while touring the country, would you be opposed to this? One night the Scottrade center might get Canada v US; other nights perhaps Sweden v Finland. Everybody always says this is the best hockey ever. Why can’t we have it all the time?
+ Curling – The one Olympic sport that maybe, just maybe, if we got off our fat asses, we’d actually have a shot a making a national team. Somehow these people have convinced the IOC that this game needs to be a medal sport in the world’s biggest athletic competition. NASCAR drivers are jealous. They’ve pretty much lived every shuffle puck player’s dream.
+ Half-Pipe – All the awesomeness of Shaun White. Without having to hear Sal Masekela once.
And if you can’t get behind any of these, then watching late night downhill qualifying runs on tape delay has to be better than the 200th repeat of Law and Order SUV on USA, right?
Now some links…
- A link of dogs howling when they hear Law & Order’s theme song. LINK HERE (HT:WL)
- Guy balances a chair over a huge cliff. LINK HERE (HT:RH)
- 11 things you didn’t know about Natural Light. LINK HERE
- Looking for a last minute Valentine’s Day gift? Try the Hug-o-Gram. LINK HERE (HT:KA)
- 50 pictures of kids giving the middle finger. LINK HERE
- 10 stories about bears you need to know. LINK HERE
- Introducing the new food craze: Wafflewich. LINK HERE
That’s all we got this week. Be sure and check out the Cards Diaspora app by clicking on the story below or the graphic on the right hand side of the screen and download it ASAP. Otherwise we’ll see you after a long weekend of drinking (Mardi Gras) and loving (V-Day).