Beacuse all the REAL tough guys wait until the last pitch of the last at bat of the last game of the season against their rivals to finally man up…
If you haven’t heard, Nyjer Morgan, the pint-sized (and skilled) outfielder for the Milwaukee Brewers decided to unload on Albert Pujols after the season finale against the Cardinals Wednesday night:
(Yes, the above screengrab of Morgan’s Twitter is real. Check out the LINK HERE)
By the way, Nyjer’s alter-ego is T-Plush, in case you were wondering. But that’s besides the point, because only nerds call out people they won’t have to face for months and months. Hell, I bet many of you TLR haters even hope Don Tony is around for the first series against the Brewers next year to see Morgan wear one and have to walk down to first base and look Pujols in the eye…
…errr… you know, if he signs and shit.
Morgan will probably come out and talk about how Cardinal fans are way to serious and that he was only joking and that everyone needs to chillax. And to a certain extent, he’s probably right.
Until you call a man out.
At which point you’re chump ass better be ready to step. And big surprise, Mr. Morgan isn’t ready to dance with Albert. And he never will be. He’s a swing and run fighter; the ultimate bitch.
But in his honor, let’s pretend he and Pujols entered the squared circle and got it on. Here’s 10 more things that are more likely than Nyjer Morgan beating “Alberta’s” ass:
10- Tino Martinez number retirement night at Busch Stadium.
9 – ‘Super Freaky Muscato‘ presented by Tony LaRusa.
8- Rick Horton, Robert C. Frick award winner.
7- 2 men on the ‘Kiss Cam’.
6- A Cubs World Series title.
5- Jack Buck re-uniting with Mike Shannon.
4- Jason LaRue and David Perron doing the ‘Oklahoma‘ drill.
3- Darryl Porter D.A.R.E night.
2- Orlando Pace use The Arch as a banana hammock.
1- Unearth a tape of Bob Gibson smiling on the mound.
Time to get real, T. Plush. El Hombre would work you like stripper the day before rent’s due. You’re 5 foot nothing. A hundred and nothing. And one of these days you’re going to have to atone for that big ol’ yap of yours and it’s going to be shut.
Probably for good.