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5 Things To Watch For This Spring

More like Spring Laming, right?

I’ve been sitting here in front of this monitor for about 10 minutes trying to think of interesting angles to wildly react to in a cheap ploy to generate page views. But the more I thought about it, the more I realize that this is going to be the single boring-est spring training the Cardinals have ever held.

Why?

Literally every single position on the roster is filled. The most intriguing subplot is if Miguel Batista is going to be a spot starter or long reliever, pending an injury to one of the starting five. Other than that? Nada. Zip. Just a bunch of guys going through the motions until the games actually start March 30th.

So what do we need to watch for? The Blues are tanking (again) and the NFL is headed into a lockout… so what the hell are we supposed to watch?

1) TLR’s wine consumption. Miggy Cabrera really upped the ante in 2011 by literally swigging scotch in front of the officer arresting him for DUI, so that falling asleep at the wheel act isn’t going to cut it this spring. Is Don Tony up for the challenge or are his booze-hound days behind him.

2) Berkman’s twigs. Not since Sid Bream has a pair of legs been more scrutinized in the baseball world. Are they too old to patrol right field? Will the fly off hustling out an infield hit? Could he be the slowest man in professional athletics? We shall see.

3) Franky’s Tweets. The Cardinal reliever has finally found his voice. And he won’t shut up. Follow him on Twitter for nightly interactions with people that are far too excited to talk to a professional athlete.

4) Theriot’s harem. St. Louis hasn’t seen a cocksmith this adept since ‘The Stick’ left town after 2009′s campaign. Will he hone his game in south Florida this spring… or will he hone his GAME this spring. What. Up. Playa.

5) Kyle Lohse. Because it’s never to early to start blowing leads in the 4th innning. Good times.

So maybe it won’t be such a rote spring after all, eh? I guess you just need to know where to look.

athooks

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