An Incomplete List of Why Milwaukee Sucks…

Overlooked, mostly, by everyone is that Milwaukee is in Wisconsin. Meaning that after the game, fans and players alike have to live… in Wisconsin. And that’s cool if you really like prairie dogs and cows, but if you want to interact with people? NO DICE.

There’s a reason Prince Fielder has one foot out the door.  

Perhaps that’s why these jacklegs are so socially awkward. Think about it. Once they leave the stadium, they’re headed home through a vast span of nothingness.

Being a professional athlete means you keep odd hours, so when you’re ready to have dinner or watch a movie – everyone else has been asleep for 6 hours and about to get up an squeeze a cows teat.

Nyjer Morgan’s desperate need for attention HAS to be satiated at the ballpark. Otherwise, he’ll go crazy trying to get it anywhere else. It’s a vicious cycle. And, unfortunately for us, it produces things like Nyjer Morgan.

But that’s not the only reason Milwaukee sucks. Here’s an incomplete list…

1- Even Cubs fans are making fun of them. LINK HERE

2- The gangs in STL shoot people. The gangs in Milwaukee? They have YouTube channels. LINK HERE

3- You really want to associate with people that choose, by free will, to live in this? LINK HERE

4- A lady cuts out all the reasons Milwaukee sucks from the newspaper and collects them. LINK HERE

5- T. Plush. People are actually making money of this. LINK HERE

6- THIS might be the greatest video of ALL TIME. LINK HERE

7- ???

Hell, we haven’t even mentioned what all that cheese does to a woman’s body. (Hint: puts on an extra 150 pounds and makes her as viral as your couch.)

So keep flapping those gums, Brew Crew. And when you’re back in the NL Central cellar next season, we’ll send you a postcard.  


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