ASG11

How Do We Make The All-Star Game Better?


I’ll watch the All-Star Game because it’s baseball and it’s July and that’s what you watch in the summer.

But I don’t think I like it.

Age makes us all a little cynical, sure. But I think the media culture is more to blame. I’m sure a Willie Stargel or Doc Gooden ducked out of an ASG in their prime because they wanted to bang booty on the shores of Barbados for a couple of nights in July, but when their strained hammy or tender shoulder was reported, people still assumed that those guys were kind of banged up but still REALLY wanted to be in Cincinnati or Pittsburgh or whatever terrible AstroTurf field they were playing on in those days.

Now? Well, Derek Jeter is just a dick for skipping.

We have cell phones that catch these guys in lies and blogs like this one that proliferate them. We have people who make a living creating hype and others who profit more off said hype. So a guy can’t just tell a white lie anymore. They really hate their job being bad-ass in baseball and making millions of dollars for it. You and me go ape shit when our company gives us a framed certificate.

The grand illusion of the ASG as the pinnacle of the summer just doesn’t hold weight anymore. But since we’re all not watching anything else, the ASG will remain. So if that’s the case, why can’t we make it a fucking free-for-all?

1- Playground Rules. The two league MVP’s get to pick their teams, no questions asked. No 1 player per team. No limit on the amount of teammates you can take. You have those guys pick the sides and each have them put up 250K of their own money before the game. You want to see a guy motivate his teammates?

2- Bus Trips Home. You lose? You ride the bus. Think that trip back to Boston would be any fun for Big Papi after he had a few too many chuckles in the dugout? I don’t.

3- Metal Bats. It will never happen. But shit, how cool would that be. Maybe if we put a screen up in front of the pitcher or something?

4- Everything Opposite. Halladay, you’re not such a stud throwing left-handed, are you bub? What about you Pujols? Take a stab at going lefty. Not only will this be interesting to see, it’ll make us all feel much better about our athletic prowess.

Actually. That last idea sucked.

In fact, all those ideas weren’t great. Except the metal bats. That’d be awesome. I guess the only thing that would make me give a crap about the ASG again is if I thought the players gave a crap about the ASG. And until they start tying huge amounts of money to the winning team, then that’ll never happen again.

But I’ll be back next year. Because really, the thing that MLB will never say- what the hell else are you going to watch?


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