Your MS Paint Guide to Opening Day

Once again, Cards Diaspora will try to entertain you, our little sweetheart readers throughout the 2011 season. We gave “humor” a test run for the first time ever in late August of last year, and it seemed to work out, kind of.

The 2010 Summer of Suck is now a distant memory, and as of tomorrow at 3:15, it’s only a matter of days before the Cards get dominated by studs like Bud Maholm again (or was it Ross Narveson? Or J.A. Lannan? Whatever).  So to get you prepped for Opening Day, here’s an MS Paint guide on what to look out for when you get downtown tomorrow afternoon:

1) Derrr-runk People. There’s nothin’ better than taking a half day – or a full day if you’re hardcore – and getting sloshed on a Thursday at 1pm. If a baseball game between the Cardinals and Padres breaks out inside that stadium-looking thing: bonus.

2) Ticket Scalpers. These guys are the worst. I once heard a guy say “Hey brah – check your other hand,” walking by a scalper. Leave it to frat boys to bring some common sense to the table.

3) Girls Wearing Pink Cardinal Gear. Our own Mad Librarian has resorted to vigilante justice, in order to rid the world of more pink Cardinal shirts. It’s not working, but she’s getting her jersey dirty and giving 110%.

4) Display Your Gross Jerseys. While pink gear is shameful, a hoosierized (that’s a personalized jersey with something hoosier on the back) or totally obscure jersey that’s shared with others on the internet is priceless.

And that’s all you need to know for Opening Day. There’s not really a lesson involved, but I will say that if none of this made sense, I can’t wait to see TwitPics of you tomorrow afternoon.