Hey, guys! Remember when the Cardinals used to win baseball games? Holy crap, that was FUN! It feels like it happened so long ago. Maybe I’m just getting old, but I remember back in the good old days, (like, two weeks ago,) when this team didn’t SUCK THE SOUL FROM MY FACE. I felt so inundated with good fortune that even Cubs traffic couldn’t keep me down.
(SO LONG AGO!!!!)
The Cardinals used to win games, right? I didn’t hallucinate this? It’s like I have long term memory loss. Or brain damage. Or Alzheimer’s. I don’t know what it is and I don’t care. The fact of the matter is, we are in SERIOUS TROUBLE HERE, GUYS!!!
Can they just please stop doing this? It’s embarrassing. And frankly, it’s times like this that I wish I did hard drugs. I bet you can’t find a crackhead in town that feels more desperate than I do. (Probably a slight exaggeration, but I think you get my point. Just say no, kids!!!)
This is the WORST. Can’t we just go back to carving one out every once in awhile? I don’t think it’s asking THAT MUCH.
Ahem. So, ANYWAY, here is a cute dog in a hat. Because what the hell else are we supposed to be happy about? COOL PARTY!!!