No time for pleasantries, people. We have a code red, DEFCON 3 situation on our hands and his name is Jason Motte.
You guys, what is the DEAL with this asshole? I mean, no offense to the Kansas City Royals or all six of their fans, but this game today was simply embarrassing.
It’s Father’s Day, for crying out loud! And for reasons that are frankly NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, my dad was already not having a great one. Then he had to sit through five hours of this nonsense? I will not stand for it. Nope, Papa T deserves FAAAAR better than what Mr. Motte had to offer today. It’s bad enough that he’s stuck with me as his genetic responsibility, but the fact that his beloved birds served up this additional indignity is almost too much to take.
IS THERE NO JUSTICE IN THIS WORLD????
I think it’s fairly obvious that Jason Motte hates my dad. Which is weird, because so far as a I know, no one REALLY hates my dad. He rocks! He tells funny jokes, eats his steaks so raw it’s disturbing and categorically despises the Cubs. What’s not to love? And there’s no way I’m projecting here, because I’ve already given it a great deal of thought and found no other alternatives. You will not convince me otherwise.
So, until Jason Motte offers my dad and ALL Cardinal fan dads a full apology, he is officially on my shit list. I’m not entirely sure what that means, but I assure you, it’s SERIOUS BUSINESS.
In any case, I wish a Happy Father’s Day to all of the pops out there who are hopefully as awesome as mine. You win some, you lose some, but at least we’re not Cubs fans. And really, isn’t that enough?