Next Bachelorette

Bachelor Live Blog: Episode 7

Last week we gave death a deep tease, only to be brought back to life by a ginger. Tierra made the best case yet for the right to choose. And Sean got turned off by photos of prostheses. 

This week?
Women and kids, head for the shelter… we're getting some L-BOMBS dropped. 
Also, belief systems will be SHATTERED.
7:04 – Annnnnnd, if every woman didn't hate Tierra before her 32 year-olds are 'cougars' rant, they do now. 32 isn't old… she's SEASONED.
7:16 – What? What is that one thing you haven't told AshLee? What? WHAT? WAS IT MURDER? DID YOU MURDER A BABY?
(She got married as a high school junior. Lulz.)
7:20 – It took 12 hours and 20 minutes, but we've got our first L-BOMB. In fairness, felt like Sean was fishing for it. 
7:37 – The Tierrorist dropped a qualified L-BOMB on Sean. Always the safer move to use the 'I'm falling in love with you', that way you it doesn't make you look bad when you're getting laid on the Bachelor Pad in 3 months.
7:39  – "I can't control this eyebrow!" – Tierra 
7:50 – Nothing says true adult love like measuring a guys feelings on who he lets ride shotgun the most. 
7:59 – And with a single frame, I present to you the next Bachelorette. 
8:11 – Ooof. She wanted to share love. He went to pick fruit. Typical Washington red tape for the hopeful political staffer. TYPICAL OBAMA.
8:22 – Men. Love. Me. 
8:24 – Pretty appropriate that these woman are staying at the Buccaneer Hotel. Because their last shreds of dignity have been raped, pillaged and plundered. Eternal singledom AHOY!
8:40 – Tierra has been sent home. Her sparkle has been taken away. And tears will have to find a new role model. 
8:56 – When another contestant breaks down in tears because you've been sent home… you might be the next Bachlorette. But for tonight… it's like we've all had a drone strike… AGAINST OUR HEARTS. 
Fucking. Obama. 
CUT: Tierra, Lesley
NEXT WEEK: Major Dad. Bro isn't on board with Playboy Sean. Balled fists. 

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Bachelor Live Blog: Episode 7

It’s week 7 of The Bachelor: Winemaker. BachelorBen

Last week we had ejections that led to first kiss bumbling, iPad dumping, dry crying and some super scrapbooking. A very enjoyable 2 hours that will be hard to top this week. Let’s try… 

Also, all quotes without comment are The Model’s unless noted.

7:04 – The Divorcee is brought to tears by her dumping roughly 1 hour and 56 minutes early. 

7:12 – Afraid of heights? I don’t think so. People afraid of heights can barely watch open-door helicopter rides. They don’t sit in the closest seat to missing door. Acrophobics are no longer rooting for you Lindzi.

7:13 – “Holy (bleep) balls.” Shit? Ass? Dick? Fuck? Lindzi seems like the kind of girl that would go with ass balls. 

7:21 – The Model is the apex of conceit. An unreal player. When you can casually toss out suicide as a solution to not getting something you desire, in this case a one on one date? That’s commitment to yourself.

7:32 – “Easy. Peasy.” I hope he regretted that the millisecond it left his mouth. 

7:34 – Lobsters. Much more agile than expected.

7:46 – “Snap.” 

7:47 – The Model is getting a casting director a big fat bonus check at the end of this season. I honestly don’t think you could script this woman any better if you tried. 

7:49 – We’ve got to meet The Model’s family, don’t we? Even if somehow she leaves, do we still get to meet the family? Please?

7:58 – “Each step, I left behind the hurt.” 

8:07 – The Model delivers the double barrel ‘kill shot’ as she puts it. 

8:14 – Here’s an idea. Have a show on the web where it’s just a camera on The Winemaker, or whoever the Bachelor is, and we can watch them in real time see the premiere of these episodes. Would it not be fascinating to see reaction shots from these people? You could even extend it to other characters. You know The Model is screaming at the TV during some of these episodes. Get on it ABC.

8:24 – Rachel’s biggest fear in the world is sharks? What the hell is going on tonight? Where is this woman encountering sharks? She’s a fashion sales rep from Southampton, MA. Did he have a bad one night stand with Joe Thornton

8:32 – Kaci B with the L-BOMB! 

8:34 – Probably a bit too early for the L-BOMB. She got the rose, but he’s still got to go to Clarksville TN. She now doesn’t have that card to play after he leaves there.

8:43 – “Ben isn’t the only guy in the world. Let’s get this party started.”

8:56 – YESSSSSSSS! The Model is in the final 4. Emily getting edged out by Nicki was a big upset. Couldn’t do much more than she did on the date. Besides sleep with him. Or get naked in the ocean. Next time, Em. Next time.

8:59 – Of course The Model is completely ok with having a wild tarantula crawl all over her. This woman is astounding in new ways each episode. 

Next week?

That Clarksville charm shines through as pop-pop tells Kaci B. that he ain’t on board with this here stinkin’ marriage idea. Oh, and we get to see The Model’s parents and what appears to be a sister-ish person.


About athooks

For more, follow on Twitter. Just click the link below.