Sean TV

Bachelor Live Blog: Episode 9

Last week brother Nate Argo'd Des from the dark twisted reality of living in Texas with a preacher's son. AshLee finally broke down and talked about her feelings with Sean. And Catherine barehanded a dead fish. 



Tonight?



Tonight virginity is lost, thrice over. 



Probably.  



Which of the women will accept the offer of coitus at Sean's Sex Shack? Who will not be willing the kick the tires before engagement? The first one to punch Sean's V-Card has to win this sucker… RIGHT?



It's "Fantasy Suite Night" on The Bachelor. 



DATE 1: LINDSAY 



7:19 - "I feel like I'm with my high school sweetheart. And that's what I want in an marriage." I'm going to let that marinate for a minute. Go ahead, picture your High School prom date. Now look him or her up on Facebook. Thoughts?  



7:21 – The fact that Crystal was passed over for the feeding set-up is criminal. Look, Animal Practice was bad. But, damn. 

7:30 – You know where I like to get my Twitter commentary during TV shows? Twitter. I go to fucking Twitter to get Twitter. I don't need it on the TV. Cut it out ABC.
 
FANTASY SUITE? ACCEPTED! (1 for 1)
 
7:34 – Oh. My. That was a drawn out L-BOMB. It's like she hasn't told that to a boy since she was in like 6th grade. Which was about 8 years ago. But still…
 
DATE 2: ASHLEE
 
7:45 – The biggest issue with AshLee is that she needs to open up. Men really love talking about their feelings all day, every day. And AshLee – maybe I'm wrong here – is a little to guarded. 
 
FANTASY SUITE ACCEPTED (2 for 2)
 
7:56 – The expectations for tonight? I think everyone knows the expectations for tonight. 
 
Tough position for the second date, though. Have to out perform night 1, but know that night 3 is going for broke. So the right amount of tender is required.
 
DATE 3: CATHERINE
 
8:11 – Catherine is ready to accept "great love" from Sean. That's called foreshadowing, friends.
 
8:18 – New game for the ladies: 45 seconds to give your preamble before accepting the Fantasy Suite. Be sure to include reasons why you 'normally wouldn't do this', why 'you never expected to be in this position', how you've 'put a lot of thought into this' and how 'you just want to spend more time and get to know each other and that's all'. 
 
Go.
 
FANTASY SUITE ACCEPTED (3 for 3)
 
8:20 – Beefy.
 
8:21 – Hunky.
 
8:22  - "Being intimate tonight is really important." FINALLY… some REAL TALK! Thank you Catherine. 
 
8:41 - Now that's a dress. I guess AshLee paid it forward and adopted a couple of little guys herself… HIYO!
 
8:42 - Here's Sean staring at a turned off TV presented without comment.
 
                 
 
8:51 – The lone F-Bomb that Ashley dropped for no reason at the rose ceremony? Awesome. 
 
CUT: AshLee
 
8:54 – Props to AshLee. That's a GROW ASS WOMAN taking her dumping. Give him NOTHING! I'm proud of you, Ash. Dobber up. On to the next one. 
 
NEXT WEEK: Women Tell All. 
 
athooks

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Bachelor Live Blog: Episode 9

It’s week 9 of The Bachelor: Winemaker. BachelorBen

Last week, the Divorcee pulled an 12 vs 5 upset and ousted The Doctor. But can she knock out the number one overall seed and get to the championship game?

Doubtful.

In fact, this game is kind of like a chess match and Magnus Carlsen (aka The Model) has put her opponents in checkmate with a fake wedding. The other girls are surveying their options, but it’s just a matter of time before they surrender. As a guy, I’m telling you… you don’t play along with a fake wedding unless you’re sold.

Period. 

We’re just playing out the string. Oh, and Ben gets to sleep with all the girls tonight. 

7:05 - Some “magical force that draws me to Courtney”. Other people call it an erection.

7:17 – Nicki and Ben have a picnic on a mountain top. The audio replay of this date can be found on your neighborhood metronome. 

7:26 – Fantasy Suite Card #1? IN! And when your date says “when do we begin”, she’s watched the show. She knows what is expected. And she’s ready to commence.

7:28 – Nicki is talking MAD trash before she beds Ben. “I’m going to give you everything you deserve”, “I’m here for a reason”, etc al. We’ve always said if you got to go first, you MUST make an impression.

7:39 – Lindzi and Ben slide down a rope. Then they sit in tepid water housed inside a giant whiskey keg and peck. How many interesting things happened these last 10 minutes? Zero interesting things.

7:45 – WHAT?! WHAT HAS LINDZI BEEN THROUGH? WHO IS THIS MONSTER??!!

7:48 – Fantasy Suite #2? IN! She prefaces it with the old reliable: “I normally wouldn’t… BUT…” 

7:50 – Lindzi “likes where this is going”. She must really like losing to Courtney? Plus she’s not the first and not the last guy to sleep with Ben. Never a good spot to be in. 

7:59 – “There never is a dull moment. And when there is, the silence is golden.” Perhaps the most perfect summary of Ben ever spoken.

8:02 – Yes, Courtney, how will you ever recover? I’ve got two words for you: Fantasy Suite. You were born for this night. Shine, Courtney. Shine.

8:13 – Courtney turns the invite to come over and sleep together into to this thing where she demands him to beg for it. She’s the John Wooden of The Bachelor. Just unmatched gameplay. Really an honor to watch.

8:15 – Ladies, Ben has just been closed.

SNEAK PEEK of BACHELORETTE

Note: Cards Diaspora may or may not know a contestant from St. Louis that is appearing on this season of The Bachelorette. (Filming starts the second week in March). We also know of some people that are into the application of other various dating shows. In short, this site might very well be a reality dating show hub in a few months. And that’s only sort of a joke.

Also, I miss Ali

8:27 – Kacie B is back. She wants to know what happened. And Ben is still scared to death of her dad. 

8:30 – Whoo Boy. I told you people that Clarksville TN breeds a different type. You don’t fly half-way around the world to clock block unless you’re committed. On the bright side, looks like little sis loaned her the flat iron.

8:45 – Ben is very conflicted. Until he remembers what happened last night in the Fantasy Suite. Then? Not so much.

Rose 1 – Lindzi.

Rose 2 – Courtney.

CUT- Nicki – It’s always hard to get this far and not make it to the championship show. But Nicki really set the bar high for future divorcees in this game. Well done.

Next week?

The reunion show. I wonder if Courtney is brought up? 

athooks

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