CLARK MASCOT

Cubs New Mascot: Clark

So much to unpack. 

The Cubs, one of a handful of MLB teams without a mascot (Dodgers, Yankees, Angels) announced yesterday that they've filled the role with 'Clark', described as "young, friendly Cub who can't wait to interact with other young Cub fans".

Drawings were released; he's been spotted in the wild

1) Clark is much better suited to deal with children than the old Cubs mascot, who apparently ate children. So point for the NorthSiders. However, the fact that Clark could be a relative of the Internet's Pedobear immediately negates that point. 

2) It's fun to pile on the Cubs. But as long as 'Louie' works down at Scottrade Center for the Blues, then, we, as a city, don't have much room to poke fun. And if we're really being candid, just because Fredbird has been around since 1979, it doesn't make him less weird. (Also, the original Fredbird head? CREEPY.) 

3) Man, the Internet loved this announcement. From the Bartman photoshops to the still humming Twitter search for 'Cubs Mascot', people with computers are in love with this story. 

4) This news doesn't obfuscate the fact the Cubs are going to be bad in 2014. Like really bad. Again. You want the complete free agent haul? Jose Veras and Wesley Wright. This is on the heels of a 66-96 2013 season that found the Small Bears in 5th place in the NL Central. Yikes.

5) At the end of the day, though, mascots aren't for you. They aren't for me. They're for the kids. And like it or not, some parents are forcing their kids to grow up Cubs fans. That's like the base layer of suffering. So if life starts stacking up some other stuff on top of that and Clark can help, then good on everybody, right? 

6) The only person, really, that's directly impacted by this? Billy Cub. And Billy Cub isn't happy. 


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