BACH 2(1)

The Bachelor: Countdown To Juan Pablo

The Bachelor is BACK!

Sort of. 

Tonight we get 'The Countdown To Juan Pablo'. A behind the scenes look at, well, something. Let's find out together what this pre-hour is all about. 

7:01 – A montage of audition submissions to ABC. These two women in particular are probably regretting their decision to press send on that email. (Yes, those are their actual quotes.)

7:06 – "I LOVE that he has a daughter"? That's the very first thought you have upon hearing the news that Juan Pablo is the next Bachelor?

This is either a referendum on Jaun Pablo's milquetoast appearance on The Bachelorette last season where now she only remembers 1 singular detail of the man, a woman who has had trouble conceiving in the past and is specifically searching for a partner with child in tow or the paradigm of dating has completely shifted into a direction I wasn't cognizant of.

You tell me.

7:11 – Lucinda. Eats bacon. Full body hugs with leg wrap-arounds. Immediately regrets her choice of clothes from this morning. And that second bowl. 

7:12 – Elise. Not a chance she was expecting Chris Harrison right? That's definitely what girls wear when they're hanging around the house. 

7:14 – Full disclosure… I'm rooting for Christy. Sort of. As of this post, she only has 162 followers on Twitter. So I think I have a chance, no?  (I'm not sure why Twitter folowers mean anything… LET ME DREAM, OK.) I'm rooting for Juan Pablo to break her heart so I can swoop in and save the day. Stay the hell away, Wolfner. I'm here for you Christy 

7:15 – Lauren. 25, eh? Might be familiar with this meme

7:26 – Could we get a surprise appearance from the mom later this year? Looks like they're going to pimp the father angle HARD this season. Either the mother signed off on all this, is out of the picture completely or she's going to show up for surprise DRAMA in the final 3. Called shot. 

7:34 – The (possibly) drunk uncle. Doesn't know why here's here. Doesn't know why he's got a camera in his face. And doesn't know who Juan Pablo, you know, actually is.

7:42 – Time to bring it down a notch. A remembrance for Gia, a former contestant, that died in 2013. Google if you want more details.

7:52 – This is the show that Tidy Cat rolls out a new product. In case you were wondering what their marketers thought about you. 

7:56 – This season's tease:  Jumping off boats into the ocean. Sunsets. Waterfall makeout sessions. Praying to Buddha. Skinny dipping. Hard eye rolls. Wet cartwheels. Crying. Fairness (as much as possible). More crying. Public restroom drama. DEATH WISHES. Interviews cut short. And more…


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